Listen to: A Way of Life by Hans Zimmer
SUBJECT: I Miss You
In the Name of you, who is the most Gracious and Compassionate
It’s been a while since I spoke to you last. A lot has happened in my life, some good, and some bad. I don’t need to go into the details as you are very well aware of everything that has happened.
I wanted to write to you, because I am somewhat lost at the moment. I didn’t know where to turn to and who to speak to. I didn’t want to speak to others, because those who care can’t do much accept say that it will be ok, and those who don’t care will only become happy at my sadness. So I thought I can come to you, and speak directly to you.
I don’t know where to begin but with the part where my heart feels sad and hurt. I can’t pin point which of the bad things that’s happened, maybe it’s all of them that have come together.
I don’t like feeling like this God, I know that there are many people in the world who are worse off than me, but sometimes I feel the sadness and pain is so much that I can’t help but cry. Sometimes I cry and it doesn’t stop. But when I finish crying I feel lighter and I feel the pain reduced.
God, I want to be a better person, I want to help more people, I want to be like the examples you sent us. But it’s so hard, the distractions in my everyday life, the heavy darkness that engulfs me. I feel like I am moving at a snail’s pace and I am not getting far.
I want to say something to you, and I hope you don’t get upset with me, sometimes I feel like; you turn your back on me, as if you don’t love me anymore. I know you do, but sometimes the darkness is so great that I think maybe I have been so bad that you are unhappy with me.
I am not worried about the things that I don’t have, they come and go. The thing that worries me the most, is what if you don’t want me anymore, what if I am on my own, what if I have been so bad that you turn away from me and you leave me to my own devices. That thought pains my hurt more than all the hardship I have faced and will face.
Sometimes I can’t put my feelings into words, even in my own head, I can’t figure out how to express myself to you, so I cry, each tear is a sentence from me to you. Each tear is an expression of my inner soul to your Eternal Existence. If I didn’t have these tears, I wouldn’t know how to talk to you.
I know you are busy God, I know you are running all that exists and there are people needier than me who you must attend to. But if you have time in your busy schedule please send me a reply, it will mean a world to me.